Causes of Cancer

Hereditory Factors

Dealing with Diagnosis

Telling Others

Supporting Someone with Cancer

Understanding Your Illness

Self Image

Caring for Yourself

Supporting someone with cancer

When your family member or friend tells you that they have cancer you will probably feel shocked. You may feel lost for words but think you should say something. You may want to help but don’t know what to do. These are normal reactions. You can’t make the cancer go away but there are many things you can do to help your relative or friend cope with their diagnosis and treatment.

Tips

• Become informed. Learn about the cancer and its treatment. This will help you understand what the person is facing. Be
  careful about offering advice.
• Look for clues that they are ready to talk.
• Listen. You can listen to how they feel and their concerns about the treatment, side effects, finances, the future.
• Be around. They’ll feel less isolated and know you care.
• Try to understand their feelings. They are probably afraid of what the future holds.
• Talk about your feelings. Try not to change the subject if it gets uncomfortable. Instead, admit how you feel.
• Don’t be afraid to say nothing. The silence might feel awkward but being close to the person or holding their hand also shows you care.
• Offer to go to the doctor or hospital with them. Take part in the discussion, take notes or simply listen.
• Provide practical help. Take the kids to school, make dinner.
• Don’t try to do too much. Give the person the opportunity to do things for themselves. They have been diagnosed with cancer not helplessness. They will probably appreciate the chance to be useful.
• Keep them involved. Even if your family member or friend is in hospital or home in bed they can take part in discussions about the children, what is happening at work or listen to your activities and plans.
• Talk about other things. Having cancer may not mean they’ve lost interest in their football team, their favourite TV show or the weather.
• Look after yourself. Give yourself time to rest. You need to look after your health if you’re going to keep giving support.
• Involve others. Ask for help from services that are there to assist you.

Changing roles and routines

When someone is diagnosed with cancer, family roles and routines usually change. The person who was the main source of income might now be the most dependent member. A spouse who was sharing the load may now have to take on extra duties or get a job.

Cancer is not a normal event so don’t try to do everything you used to do. These tips may help you cope.

• Relax housekeeping standards
• Prepare simpler meals
• Ask the children to help more around the house
• Accept offers to help with cooking, shopping, transport and other household tasks. You might like to ask one person to co-ordinate help from all your family and friends

Maintain daily activities

Cancer can disrupt the family’s normal activities, especially when the person with cancer is receiving treatment. If that happens, try to return to routine activities as soon as practical. This is important for long-term and daily coping.

Sometimes family members cope with fear, anxiety and the threat of death by acting as if it has already happened. You might begin to think about how the family will function if that person dies. While this is natural, try to include the person as much as possible, otherwise they may feel they are no longer needed.

Understanding your illness...