Causes of Cancer

Hereditory Factors

Dealing with Diagnosis

Telling Others

Supporting Someone with Cancer

Understanding Your Illness

Self Image

Caring for Yourself

Sharing feelings

Talking about your feelings can be difficult. However, many people find discussing their feelings helps them accept the diagnosis and cope with the ups and downs of cancer and its treatment.

Some people will be ready to talk sooner than others. Others may never feel comfortable. You need to decide when you are ready to talk. It’s OK to tell people you’re not ready to talk and that you’d rather wait for another time.

There may be times when you want to be left alone. This can be hard for family and friends who may not understand how you feel and want to share this difficult time with you.

Your family and friends may try to support you by putting on a happy face or by being overly caring. They may deny your illness or play down your anxiety or symptoms. Let your family and friends know when their behaviour upsets you. They will probably appreciate some direction on how to act. If you prefer, talk to a hospital counsellor, social worker, psychologist or your religious or spiritual adviser. Joining a support group may also provide the help you need.

Helping your family adjust

Cancer is difficult for everyone it affects. Your family needs to adjust to the diagnosis too. They may feel uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say but feel they should say something. They may be worried about how you will react and what to do if you cry.

How your family copes may depend on how they communicate. Families who frequently share their feelings may be better able to talk about the disease and the changes it brings. Families in which each member solves problems alone or in which one person has played the major role in making decisions might have more difficulty coping.

As you express your own feelings, remember that others may need to do the same. They may experience the same fears and anxieties, and need as much information and advice as you do. Family members may feel angry too. They may express their own hurt at your outbursts, at the possibility of losing you, at their inability to do anything about the disease or how the illness may change their lives.

Often, family members are ready to talk at different times. Give them the space to talk when the time feels right.If your family has difficulty talking about cancer to one another, it may help if they to speak to a counsellor or the hospital social worker. If family members deny the reality of cancer or refuse to discuss it, encourage them to come with you to the doctor or hospital when you are having treatment. This may help them accept your illness.

Helping children cope

Children might have difficulty coping with cancer in the family. Their parent or brother or sister may look different, be in hospital or home in bed. These changes can be frightening for children and may affect their behaviour. Young children may become insecure and refuse to leave your side or behave badly to gain attention.

Older children may think too much is being asked of them. At a time when they want to spend time with friends they may feel they should be at home.

Tips

• Tell them how you’re feeling.
• Give children the opportunity to discuss their feelings and fears.
• Answer their questions simply and honestly. You may like to ask a doctor to answer some of their questions.
• Reassure them of your love.
• Do things together. Watch television together, help with their
  homework or read them a story.
• Ask a favourite relative or friend to devote extra time and
  attention to them.
• Assure them that cancer is not contagious.

Easing the way for friends

Most friends are looking for a comfortable way of dealing with your diagnosis. Sometimes, friends want direction on how to behave with you. They might not be sure that you want company. They might call to ‘see how things are going’, then add as they hang up the phone, ‘Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help’. Take the opportunity to let them know how they can help. If you can think of something they can do, you’ll be doing both of you a favour.

Helping friends feel at ease is not easy. At a time when the focus should be on you, you may resent having to do some groundwork to get the support you need.

When friends stay away

Cancer can change friendships. Some friends handle it well; others cut off all contact. Friends stay away for different reasons. They may not be able to cope with their feelings or know how to respond to a change in your appearance. Your friends may still care for you, even if they stay away.

If you think that uneasiness rather than fear is keeping a friend from visiting, call them to help ease the way. Remember that you can’t always deal with all the reasons why people avoid you; some still believe that cancer is contagious. Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself – are friends staying away or have you withdrawn from them to avoid talking about your fears and anxieties? You may find that talking about your illness helps you cope with it better. Some people drop off like you’re contagious, but others offer enormous support. It’s lovely to know they’re thinking of you.

Supporting somone with cancer...